i miss you, more than i should

I don't know why I can't physically feel anything for you but emotionally i'm bursting out. I think i'm falling in love with you. I fall very hard and sometimes quickly depending on how long i've known you. I've always known who you were and a part of me always liked him but, now that we've connected mentally these feelings get the best of me. I miss you way more than I should, we've been in this relationship for what, 12 days? 12 days feels like months with you, it really does. When i'm with you time goes by so slowly and I'm happy. I miss you more than I should, I really do. I have never missed anyone this much, especially after 12 days. I guess it's different because we have a past, a year and a half past. I don't know. I liked you but we used each other as rebounds. I never stopped caring and you didn't either but we both moved on and grew. We both learned and lost - me more than you. I ended it because I thought I wanted you, but I just wanted him back. I didn't want you, I wanted what David and I had -trust, love and respect. I wanted it to be just like that, I had my expectations and comparisons ready to go. What I didn't realize was how much of an impact we both had on each other. I've never had to fabricate the truth, I don't enjoy lying but it's so much easier than to tell the truth. I've always lied to everyone about one thing or another but never anything really big. Lying is something i'd love to live without and am currently trying to do. You make me feel like nothing in the world could go wrong when i'm with you. You say that I make you oblivious to trouble and that my voice comforts you guaranteeing that everything will be okay. You have me at a loss for words with yours. I don't feel as much as I used to but my feelings remain the same. I can show you and you can tell the way I feel just by looking into my eyes. I'm glad that we turned out the way we did, the way we are today. Without our history our feelings would have never re surfaced. I never stop caring. You told me that I'm your catch because I am understanding, accepting, have no expectations for how you should do anything, beautifully struggling daily, and I forgot everything else...HAHA. I'm good at ruining the moment as you put it, "They should hire you to tell their children that Santa Claus isn't real or something." hah. Your voice is soothing and makes me feel like I don't have to worry. Your eyes tell your soul and your lips are soft just like your weakness for love.

What I like about Bryann Frankie Lucero Jr.

• he made a list of why he liked me in Sophomore year
• he ran all the way from his house on Valentines Day to ask me to be his Valentine after swim practice
• He gets annoyed when I call him Bryann
• He's accepting
• he's grown to be confident, somewhat outspoken
• the way his gaze makes me wonder what he's thinking about
• the way his gaze always makes me feel special because he trusts me
• how he always listens
• he's reliable
• he's oblivious to trouble when he's with me
• the way he laughs and crouches when he apologizes for making fun of me, it's awkward but it's cute
• how he's overcome/overcoming his awkwardness and softspokeness
• he secretly cares about everything but puts up a front about not giving a fuck
• likes that I used like to WWE
• his hair
• his lips
• his eyes
• the way he makes me feel happy
• he brought back a happier me
• he allows me to do what i want
• he treats me right
• he brought me ice cream when i was craving it on my period in addition to the strawberry ice cream he brought, he gave me a scoop and cones
• he drove me to get my bike and stuff
• he went to my storage with me
• he knows all my strengths, weaknesses, my low and high points in life
• he comforts me
• doesn't want me to spoil him, but i'm going to anyway. :P
• his truck
• his couch
• his room
• his lock on his closet
• his simple closet
• his half sister
• his little brother
• his grandparents
• his father
• his words that no only does he mean but is beautifully crafted together
• he took me to a drive in
• we were suppose to go ice skating but there was a competition that day so we decided to go to the Japanese Friendship Garden - uh. we got lost couldn't find it. Went to the flea market, saw that it was $1.50 felt cheap and went back to the car. He took me to a park instead. I fell asleep on the way there and woke up to an almost sunset. We walked around the park and went back to his truck and talked talked talked and stuff. He brought me to safeway to pick up stuff for Christmas Party #1 Dec17th. Day one of our new found relationship. Called him at the end of the day and told him how my day went
• how he always tells me what i want to know and when
• understands that I do get it my way and i'm demanding at times
• i'm selfish at times but he accepts that
• his soft palms but strangely ashy skin.
• his curvy back
• firm booty
• he emotionally opened up to me, the way he's never done before
• trust
• he smirks and it kills me
• he treats me right
• he knows a Woman's worth
• encourages me to do what i want
• lazy
• grateful
• never at a loss of words or action
• Is the sweetest most thoughtful person i've ever known.
• goes grocery shopping with me
• goes shopping with me in general..
• tickles me and I hate the feeling but he makes me smile
• always wants to see me smile
• the way his hands graze my cheek sometimes before he pulls me in for a kiss
• he sometimes rushes a kiss and i think of a woodpecker..haha
• how his preference for me is the way i want to look not the way he wants me to
• were two individuals in a relationship who don't define each other but compliment each other. We aren't each other's world and don't need to be attached at hip all the time.
• He's about the perfect height with heels and w/o
• this list can go on and on and on
• the way his eyes close oh so gently before i kiss him
• the way he always closes his eyes every time i lean over for a kiss
• the way he never knows where i'm going to kiss him -cheek, nose, forehead, neck, lips
• i have to direct him where to go therefore causes reckless driving on his part. :P sometimes all the time kindaish
• his comforting voice allows me to sleep peacefully.
• i miss him all the times i'm not with him
• he brought a golden mistletoe for us to kiss under on christmas
• he turned my worst christmas into the best one yet
• he wrapped himself in wrapping paper and put a bow on his head on christmas and gave me the awesome cupcake cone thing he got from Emily.
• he puts me first
• he trusts me
• trying to five himself fully to him
• i'm sleepy and going to bed now maybe.