on my mind

honestly what I would really like to do is just get out of here. I want to save my damn money for college because I know damn well that NONE of you will support me. You all are going to make me do it by myself anyway. You think I don't know struggle? You complain about your ungrateful children all the damn time who spend all your money that you work for and you tolerate this man who is useless. He is good for nothing and you still tolerate him honestly, what is he there for he doesn't even take care of you or your children. He's just an everyday reminder of someone who fucks up constantly but gets too many chances back. i don't know how you fell in love with someone who has nothing going for him. I want to bust my ass to get as far as I can. I want to be happy and I want to be successful. Right now if you ask me if i'm happy. Hell no I am not happy. i've lost the two most important people in the world and you're going to ask me if i'm happy, if i'm content. Of course i'm not. I think i'm emotionally stable for someone whose been through two losses.

When people say that they're here for me and it's not me against the world. It really is, no one will ever be there for you the way your parents will. No one will ever be there when you need them. No one will ever love and cate for you the way that your parents do/did. I miss them both terribly. I wish that people didn't say certain things they know isn't true. They might have good intentions but you all rarely think it through. There are certain things that should be thought through and I believe that me being against the world is one that is true. I've learned how to stand on my own, with minimal help with my "guardian". The only thing I honestly ever want/need from you is the money that my parents supply me with through you. That is the only thing you're good for. I don't like you. I don't like your children. they're both fucked up and stupid. In terms of book smarts, no they aren't stupid but in life I think they're fucked up emotionally. You have two train wrecks. They are two people waiting for someone to help them change for the better and i will let them discover that themselves. All I know is that I enjoy being around kids and I need to work on my communication skills. I don't know. I really don't know.