dearest bfl jr.

We met at the wrong time. I was annoyed of you simply because you weren't David. I wanted David back I didn't want you. I wanted him. I wanted you to be him. You weren't him so I got rid of you, that doesn't mean that I didn't appreciate you. I just wasn't emotionally mature enough for any relationship to work for me. I'm glad that I haven't tried to be in a relationship after all these years because it has taught me to grow, love myself before I can love anyone else. Understand that a relationship only works when two people are present, when you put yourself in the relationship. I don't know if it's the season that is making me miss you but I do. I missy our company but I think that were better as friends than anything at all. I understand you and you understand me but I don't think that were meant for each other. I admire that you give everyone a chance unlike me, I'm very picky like most of the people I know. We have standards and all yours is that, they love you. That's the only thing you ask for. We all have a preference but no matter who it is you will give them a chance because "everyone deserves a chance" exactly what you said. I respect that and wish I was a little more like that. Then again, if it isn't my time, I am not going to worry about having a relationship. I can focus on me and solely me. I don't have to worry about pleasing anyone else but myself. I like you. I care for you as a friend, nothing else for now. I feel nothing for you but when i'm with you it's a different story. Your touch isn't magical or looking into your eyes doesn't make me feel like it's just you and me in the world because even if it was. I want it to be that way, I want to be able to look at the person i love in the eyes and see him and only him. I don't want to see anyone else but him when i see him. Like he steals the show. He stands out in a crowd amongst everyone else. I would know because I love him. That's the way I want to know how I love someone, unless he hit me with the truth. I don't want to mislead anyone thinking that I like them becausee I have no crushes at the moment. I don't like anyone right now. I don't think that I will there's no one who i'm compatible with. I entered high school hoping for my first relationship,/love, friends that will stick with me wherever i go and find a love who i'll marry. As the days grow closer and closer to graduation day like 7 months or whatever -_- eugh. I am reflecting on what has changed me to be who i am today. Freshman year, maryvel, tryshna, Jaycee, Kyle, JHoe, Teresa and Cajucom ,sometimes alex introduced me to the wrong crowd. I was a mall rat and a bopper trying to fit in and be cool at high school. I was need pressured to try anything because they are good people. They're good people who made irresponsible decisions. I respect who they are and what they do now but we aren't so close anymore. Sophomore year rolled around and I became closer to Heidi, Christian and Kathy. Yvonne of course because of swimming and Cindy and I always casually talked. Ginna because i thought she was so cool.. -_- LOL. so wrong. She's a nice person though. Sophomore year had to be one of the most interesting years that I've ever had. I hate talking about high school relationships because i think they're kind of stupid. Even if it's a part of growing and experiencing things. I hated the fact that I had no room to explore new horizons. I don't know. I'm sleepy. I have work in 7 hours. I'm tired. I care for Frankie and how he's holding up.